Rumor Is... Love Don't Cost a Thing.

Every year, halfway through the month of February, a diaper wearing winged infant shoots and strikes women in the heart, which causes them to hallucinate about being more special on this day. The shit is contagious and spreads like swine flu. If a woman has been infected she and all the women she knows will get sick – love sick. It’s a 24hour virus and the only thing that can cure it is receiving “stuff”. The only vaccine for the virus is called single; it’s free. I’ve been using it for years.

I don’t want to come across as bitter or a love-hater. I think love is beautiful. It was once explained to me and compared to a breeze, you can’t always see it, but it’s there and can be felt. And although I’ve never experienced it myself, I know it’s out there and lives in the hearts of many others.

However, it’s when we, men, fall into playing the ‘purchase my affection’ game every February Faketeenth, sorry Fourteenth. Ladies you know this game, don’t you? I’m sorry, I forgot their kind calls it love. This is when the man you love will spend triple the cost for roses, balloons, candied tropical fruit and keep Hallmark’s doors open for yet another 12months. And still, none of these things turn me off to this outrageous celebration. It’s after all the thoughtful presentations are made, kisses of our undying determination to make you smile are shared, and the leftovers are boxed up, brought home and then stashed next to last Saturday’s leftovers. The real sharing starts the next day… February 15th.

The only thing that matters is what she can brag to her friends about. That’s it! For the next 24hours they compare what they got, why it’s nice and who didn’t get a damn thing. But, they had better gotten something, otherwise you’re not getting anything. After all is said and done it becomes a nostalgic Friday afternoon directly after her 3rd grade spelling test, Show & Tell.

What are we celebrating again? Love, that’s right I forgot. With all the decorations in the way, I totally lost sight of the love part. I guess I say all that to state this: Prove your case to each other, not to a jury of your peers. Try to appreciate the history of why the day exists (look it up), and instead of spending a dime, spend time… with one another. Turn your phones off, watch a movie and enjoy each other’s company. Remember what its like to be with the one you love.

Hey, true love is priceless. Did we learn nothing from Flavor of Love??? “You know what time it is!”